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FYP a.k.a. e monster in my closet
Friday, October 05, 2007 2:29 PM
It's been a fugging lousy start when i embarked on my fyp after the devastating "I dint do anything yet" reply to my sup during the bi-weekly meeting on that fateful 12th Sept. Everyone stunned for 5 seconds (4 others:same group but its individual work de, Jaime:mentor & Joachim:sup). With that, i was determined to make a change.
I was scared to start cos i was clueless. Haha everyone in that lab seem 2 have finished 3/4 wadeva they were doing la so it was darn shit when i go in & ppl juz think that u'r mad to hav only started. Peer pressure i call it. It was a bumpy start when i accidentally broke a thermometer & caused the lab to close for 3 days. It was a crazy BIG WHOOHA lor. Machiam lyk SARS ppl wear astronaut's gear to clear the scene. ZzzZ. The phd students muz have hated me. Dat was SOoo not helpful. Becos of that i cudnt start my experiment. Delay. I HATED IT. I was so frustrated with myself. But turns out, all the keeping everything to myself, forcing myself to make things work out alone DINT work out. It all changed after i went for an SEM training & the lab tech mentioned this line :"Ppl nowadays all so self-centre. Dun wan to share. FYP is impt to do, review & discuss". I dint wana reach out not because i dun wana share but i had nuthin to show or share i dint wana bring others down.
After dat day, I realised i was being stupid la. Its time to be proactive & juz make the first moves. Dat's what fyp is all about. So, when i miracously saw my mentor in lab(so hard to spot her!), I literally grabbed her & force her to review my calculations. Dun care whether i was juz an idiot (she was exasperated at that point trying to etch the theory into my teeny brain) but i made sure i get it right once n for all. Embarrassed? Nah, it's not even worth a cent. Consecutively, I talked to my group mates about my own experiences n ask em bt theirs. Through discussion, i realised dat i wasn't alone in this. Some shared the same anxiety to produce results & fear of wad, blowing up the lab during experiment? It was enlightening how i cud know so much so long i ask. Even dou our experiment is all different, but there's still so much we can learn from knowing each other's difficulties & deduce sth useful from dere. Else every1 juz thinks evry1 else is doing good when we are all in fact juz the same. Quote the line : Same same but different. ya we got different nitemares la (laughs)
I must say it was overwhelming at some point when i cant get things done & fatigue sneaks in on me, dat i was practically living in the lab 12/5. Oh year 4 sux but i also love the fact dat im moving closer n closer to wad i wana achieve. Trying to head towards the legandary "Year 4 zai" title. It's gg to feel SO DARN GOOD when i finally finish this(fyp) off. Muahaha.. I sincerely thank my dearest roomie for her support during this difficult time. Showering me with love when im down & worrying constantly whether i had died while doing lab when she doesnt see me physically in the room by 11pm. Worried bt me gg to lab alone in the wee hours(cos its so farking creepy at the basement lift), I was escouted to lab in the company of yaya & joo on 1 nite. *I was really touched* Despite i left em in the computer lab to play & i went back up to lab to do my stuff, they waited an hr+ for me to finish & we left together victorious. They juz watch videos lor despite they were suppose to be doing work. keke. Anyhow, here's an update on my current status-:
Things destroyed in my hands so far:
1) 1 x mercury thermometer
2) 1 x three-neck flask
Things i gained:
1) notorious "chwee gia" record in the lab but hey, they all noe me now!
2) understanding dat sharing is GOOD FOR ALL (i totally embrace helping out one another man now, im glad i had the opportunity to be in a group rather den being attached 1-1 to other sup)
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